She was a lotus flower, growing from the mud.
When i first got diagnosed with depression, I was confused. I didn’t understand what was happening inside me and it felt like I was stuck in reverse. I was put on a few medications but nothing seemed to work. Each day, I would wake up and take my medications, but i still felt awful. Every single visit to my doctor ended in an increase in my dosages, or a change to my medications. Nothing seemed to be working, which made me more and more frustrated. I just kept spiralling downward. I’d often ask myself why i even bothered to take these medications if they appeared to have zero effect. I had thought that one day I would wake up and feel normal, that all these medications would have finally kicked in and I’d be cured. But unfortunately that’s not the way it works.
I had to accept the fact that the medications weren’t going to “fix” me on their own. I needed to wake up and realize that my life wasn’t a YA novel. This perfect person wasn’t going to walk into my life and save me with love. I needed to save myself. I had somehow wandered into a graveyard, and fallen into a six foot hole. I needed to get dirty and dig my way out of the mud.
My efforts included: