“In the world of love Ethan, not that I’m such a genius at it…”

When it comes to love there are two types of people;

People who want to be needed, and

People who want to be wanted.

I’ll start with a disclaimer; I don’t know much about love, and for a very very long time I didn’t think I was capable of feeling love. Now that the clouds have parted and the sunshine has finally reached the dark corners of my mind, I realize I am worthy of love, and I am definitely capable of feeling it, but that being said, I’m still trying to figure it out. So far I’ve broken love down into two categories.

People who want to be needed. These are betas who think they are alphas. They’re people who have a big ego and little confidence. They want to be needed so they are in control. They want to have the upper-hand. This type of person who doesn’t care about your needs, only their own. With these people comes one-sided conversations, arguments, worry, and stress. I don’t mean to be painting such a negative photo, I’m just grabbing from past experiences, which is probably a bad idea, but you’re supposed to write about what you know, right? Not everyone who wants to be needed are like this however, there is always a rebuttal. For example, mothers. Mothers take care of their little baby from the day they are born, but as the baby grows they need their mother less and less. This causes mothers to want to be needed by their children. Until they are living on their own and still asking for money…..oops. Clearly though, mothers are not normally egotistical and wanting to be dominate over their children, but in relationship love I see people who want to be needed as people to avoid.

On the other side of the coin are people who want to be wanted. I see these people as confident, and self-aware. They set high standards for themselves and don’t settle. These are strong people who are comfortable with who they are. I think these are the people who strive for an equal and reciprocated love. A love that comes with compromises, equality, and friendship. These are the type of people who choose to be with you because they want to, not because they feel like they need to. Similar to the open birdcage metaphor, if you want to get figurative. The bird chooses to stay in the cage, even when it has the opportunity to fly free.

Throughout my 22 years, I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum. I’ve been the person wanting to be needed, and also the person wanting to be wanted. Looking back on things, I think I’ve definitely been in a happier mindset when I’m wanting to be wanted. When I was at my lowest I thought that I wasn’t wanted, so my only option was to be needed. This made it easy to slip into a relationship where I felt like I was needed, and forget about being wanted.

Now I realize that I deserve to be wanted, and that makes all the difference. I’m more confident and more like the person I want to be, not the person I was. I’m not saying I know the secret to a good relationship, and I’m not by any means an unbiased opinion, but I believe that if you are somebody who wants to be wanted, you will attract the same type of person. Now I know they are say opposites attract, but when it comes to love its probably a better idea to make your choice based on your own experiences, rather than the nature of magnets.

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