Elevators

Living with depression is a lot like being trapped in an elevator;

You step into an elevator, needing to get to the top floor of a building, however the person who just got off was originally going to the basement. So now even though you want to go to the penthouse, you see the ‘B’ illuminated, and you can feel that you’re going down. It doesn’t matter how many times you press up wanting to go to a higher floor, the elevator is going to the basement and you can’t stop it. You know the elevator will eventually reach it’s destination, and you’ll be on your way back up, making it to the top floor, but for now you’re stuck going down.

Depression is much the same. You can feel your mood slipping, and your energy levels are plummeting, you know you’re on your way down. You do everything you can think of to try and stop it, to try and turn it around and “lighten up”, but you’re stuck on that elevator going to the bottom floor. Sometimes you just need to feel down, so you can better appreciate the good days. You don’t realize how sweet a simple breath of air is until you’ve almost drowned.

Although I know that I have to feel down something, and that it’s completely normal. I don’t like feeling depressed. I don’t want to be depressed. What I do like is being able to validate my emotions and accept where I am in each moment in time.

I’ve spent way too long wishing I was different, waiting to  feel different, wishing that I could always be happy and never feel depressed. Wishing and waiting, wishing and waiting. I’d accept the now, and be okay with feeling down or not so great, but then get frustrated waiting for my mood to improve. I would wish to expedite the waiting, wanting to jump right from the bottom floor to the top floor. Thats unrealistic. Now, I’m starting to understand theres a process, and I’m working on accepting it. Maybe soon I’ll even like it, but right now acceptance is the goal. Today I’m feeling good. Not exactly great, but I am feeling better than last week and even better than yesterday. Each day doesn’t need to be extraordinary, it just needs to be good enough to be a smidgen better than yesterday.

I guess what I’m saying is, if you’re not going to get off the elevator and get some exercise on the stairs, at least enjoy the ride and sign along to the music.

 

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2 thoughts on “Elevators

  1. This is really a good metaphor for understanding the ugly spiral into depression.

    As an aside, there was an elevator in our building that would go to floors randomly, regardless of what button you pushed. Fortunately it is only a four-story building, but still . . .

    Liked by 1 person

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